WASHINGTON — Former President Donald Trump reaffirmed his long-standing interest in acquiring Greenland this week, calling the plan “totally a great idea” while appearing genuinely surprised to learn that the massive Arctic island is, in fact, not empty real estate.
“People keep saying ‘there are people there,’ and I say, are there? Because when I look at it on the map, I don’t see anyone,” Trump told reporters while gesturing at a blown-up satellite image of Greenland. “It looks very available. Very quiet. Tremendous land. A lot of ice. We love ice.”
According to sources close to the former president, Trump had long assumed Greenland was “basically a really big ice cube” and was reportedly disappointed to discover it is home to roughly 56,000 people, most of whom already live there on purpose.
“Nobody told me it came fully furnished,” Trump said. “I thought it was like buying Alaska back in the day. Just land, bears, no paperwork. But now I hear there are people, laws, culture. Very complicated. Very unfair to me, frankly.”
Administration veterans say Trump’s interest in Greenland resurfaced after aides mentioned its strategic importance in the Arctic, its mineral resources, and the fact that it is “really, really big,” a quality Trump is known to value deeply.
“When you look at Greenland, it’s almost the size of Africa on the map,” Trump explained. “Some people say that’s not accurate, but I don’t know, maps don’t lie. And it’s white, which means clean. Very clean country.”
Asked how he planned to address the issue of Greenland’s residents, Trump suggested a range of options, including “very nice golf courses,” “some sort of loyalty card,” or simply “letting them stay if they’re respectful.”
“We’re not monsters,” Trump said. “They can stay. We’ll call them something great. Arctic Americans. Ice Patriots. Eskimos, but apparently you’re not allowed to say that anymore, which is sad because it sounds strong.”
Trump also dismissed concerns raised by Denmark, which currently governs Greenland, saying the country should be grateful for the interest.
“They should be thanking me,” Trump said. “Nobody was talking about Greenland before I came along. Now everyone’s talking about it. Tremendous publicity. Denmark owes me, honestly.”
