Chinese President Pinkie Promises that He Did not Kill Missing Government Official

Chinese President Pinkie Promises that He Did not Kill Missing Government Official

BEIJING - The President of China made a highly unorthodox statement regarding the mysterious disappearance of a high-ranking government official. The President solemnly declared, via an official press conference, that he “pinkie promises” he had nothing to do with the official’s vanishing.

The missing official, who was last seen entering a “totally not suspicious” black van, has sparked international concern and wild speculation. However, the Chinese President insists that the use of a pinkie promise, a sacred vow traditionally reserved for playground disputes and childhood friendships, should quell all doubts and fears.

“I understand the concerns of the international community,” the President stated, adjusting his suit before extending his smallest finger towards the assembled press. “But let me assure you, on the honor of my pinkie, that I am absolutely, 100% not involved in his disappearance.”

Critics have pointed out that the pinkie promise lacks legal or diplomatic standing. However, supporters of the President, that were "most definitely not paid off," argue that the pinkie promise is a culturally significant gesture that signifies the utmost sincerity and honesty.