Israel

Google Begins Firing Any Employee Who has Opinion on Israel-Palestine Conflict

Torn Wires

Apr 24, 2024 — 1 min read

SILICON VALLEY, CA - Google announced this morning that it will begin terminating any employee who expresses an opinion—positive, negative, or otherwise—on the Israel-Palestine conflict, especially opinions that may jeopardize Google's deal to provide cloud infrastructure to Israel.

The company states this policy is a key part of their new initiative to foster "absolute neutrality" in their offices worldwide. Employees caught so much as whispering about the topic near the water coolers or cafeterias will be subject to immediate dismissal.

"We believe that this bold move will help keep our focus on innovation and teamwork," said John Clearwater, Google's Vice President of Global Policy Enforcement. "We have noticed that this particular conflict tends to divide people, so in the spirit of unity, we decided it's best if nobody thinks about it at all, especially if it will jeopardize our deal with Israel."

The policy rollout began this morning when several employees received emails notifying them that their services were no longer required after their Slack message history revealed using the word 'Palestine' in a positive manner.

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Feminists Declare Women can be Terrorists Too

Boeing Preemptively Kills All Employees After Wing Detaches From Plane Mid-Flight

New Study Finds That Most Entry-Level Job Postings Require 80 Years of Experience and Heart Surgery Ability

10 Things Only People Who Hate Mornings Understand