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Biden Falling Asleep Mid-Speech Mistaken for Excessively Long Dramatic Pause
WEST POINT, NY - President Joe Biden's recent graduation speech at West Point was abruptly interrupted when he appeared to fall asleep mid-sentence. The…
May 25
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Torn Wires
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Biden Falling Asleep Mid-Speech Mistaken for Excessively Long Dramatic Pause
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Government Declares War on Piracy, Executes Local Man for Watching "Avengers: Endgame" Without Paying
CINCINNATI, OHIO - Authorities have taken drastic measures to address movie piracy by executing a local man, John Myers, for illegally streaming…
May 24
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Torn Wires
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Government Declares War on Piracy, Executes Local Man for Watching "Avengers: Endgame" Without Paying
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Local Man that Always Carries Phone that Records his Every Move Fears Bill Gates is Trying to Microchip Him
SPRINGFIELD, IL — Local resident Steve Johnson, a 35-year-old self-proclaimed tech skeptic, is raising alarms in his community with his fervent belief…
May 22
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Torn Wires
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Local Man that Always Carries Phone that Records his Every Move Fears Bill Gates is Trying to Microchip Him
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Mark Zuckerberg Claims He's Not a Reptillian then Proceeds to Sit Under Heat Lamp for Two Hours
Menlo Park, CA - In a recent press conference at Meta Headquarters, CEO Mark Zuckerberg vehemently denied ongoing internet rumors claiming he is a…
May 14
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Torn Wires
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Mark Zuckerberg Claims He's Not a Reptillian then Proceeds to Sit Under Heat Lamp for Two Hours
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Elon Musk Says Upset Employees Fired from Tesla Should "Get Over It" Since We are Just Living in a Simulation
Austin, TX — Elon Musk, the billionaire entrepreneur known for his bold ventures into space and electric cars, made a controversial remark directed at…
May 11
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Torn Wires
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Elon Musk Says Upset Employees Fired from Tesla Should "Get Over It" Since We are Just Living in a Simulation
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Feminists Declare Women can be Terrorists Too
In an effort to break the glass ceiling even further, several feminist non-profit organizations have been bringing awareness to how women are rarely…
May 8
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Torn Wires
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Feminists Declare Women can be Terrorists Too
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Boeing Preemptively Kills All Employees After Wing Detaches From Plane Mid-Flight
WASHINGTON, DC — In what's being described as a shocking overreaction, Boeing executives reportedly eliminated every employee after a wing detached from…
May 3
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Torn Wires
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Boeing Preemptively Kills All Employees After Wing Detaches From Plane Mid-Flight
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New Study Finds That Most Entry-Level Job Postings Require 80 Years of Experience and Heart Surgery Ability
ANN ARBOR, MI - A recent study conducted by the University of Michigan, which analyzed over four million job postings, found that a majority of all…
May 2
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Torn Wires
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New Study Finds That Most Entry-Level Job Postings Require 80 Years of Experience and Heart Surgery Ability
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April 2024
10 Things Only People Who Hate Mornings Understand
For those who hate mornings, each day starts with its own set of trials and tribulations. But you’re not alone in the struggle against the sunrise. Here…
Apr 30
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Torn Wires
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10 Things Only People Who Hate Mornings Understand
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Small-Town Police Chief Happy That Someone In Town was Finally Murdered, Even if it was His Wife
COLLIERVILLE, TX - Collierville, known primarily for its annual corn festival and competitive knitting circles, has now skyrocketed into infamy with its…
Apr 30
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Torn Wires
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Small-Town Police Chief Happy That Someone In Town was Finally Murdered, Even if it was His Wife
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Help. I’m Trapped! 10 Ways to Get Out of a Boring Conversation
Adam Johns was attending a business dinner recently when the man next to him began to drone on about annuities and asset allocation. Ten minutes in…
Apr 27
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Torn Wires
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Help. I’m Trapped! 10 Ways to Get Out of a Boring Conversation
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In Response to Trump’s Lawyer’s Argument that President can Kill Political Rivals, Justices Say President is Only able to Kill Three…
WASHINGTON, DC - In response to former President Trump's lawyer's "hypothetical" argument that the President is legally allowed to kill political…
Apr 26
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Torn Wires
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In Response to Trump’s Lawyer’s Argument that President can Kill Political Rivals, Justices Say President is Only able to Kill Three Political Rivals in One Term
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