Trump’s ‘Punch and Kick’ Biden Stunt Backfires

Trump’s ‘Punch and Kick’ Biden Stunt Backfires
Photo by David Todd McCarty / Unsplash

At one of ex president and fanny magnet Donald Trump’s Nuremberg style rallies in Iowa yesterday, a publicity stunt organized by the alleged sex offender, fraudster and traitor, Trump, seriously backfired. 

The publicity stunt involved the use of a martial arts training dummy. This had been modified to have its head replaced with one that was an effigy of the current president, Joe Biden. Trump then offered $50 to any of the lunatics that adore him, if they would punch and kick the Biden effigy in front of a crew of press hounds. The images of these nut-jobs kicking seven shades of dottle out of the dummy would then be uploaded to social media with the intention of making it seem as if all right-thinking American citizens wanted nothing more than to knock the shit out of Trump’s rival.

However all did not go to plan. Firstly, the dummy, which was modified at a cost believed to be in excess of two million dollars, money taken from the pockets of his red neck acolytes, did not meet the desired specification. When it was unveiled at the rally, the dummy was found to have been fitted with a pair of lady’s breasts and a vagina, complete with pubic hair. The overall effect was of a sex doll with Biden’s head fitted.

“That screw-up wasn’t my bad,” said Mr Bubba Bubba, Trumps Iowa campaign strategist, “I’d been given the instructions from Mister Trump himself. He said he wanted a doll that looked like Biden. Doll? Naturally I assumed he meant a woman. So when I called up those folks at ‘Dummy’s ‘R’ Us’ they said no problem.”

When asked by the young whippersnapper cub reporter from the UK magazine, Thyme, what exactly he had said to the manufacturers, Bubba Slob said, “Send me a fucking doll that looks like Joe Biden. I can’t understand how they got that so wrong.”

There were other issues with the Biden dummy. The manufacturers assumed it was for Donald Trump himself for his personal use. So, being true Republicans, they pimped the doll in an effort to please the golden-faced has-been. They added accessories that included,

  • Real pubic hair taken from the ‘Dummy’s ’R’ Us’ owner’s wife’s privates, grey but realistic.
  • An internal sound system with a microchip programmed with a random selection of sexual phrases. This was activated each time the dummy was touched. The phrases included: I like it up my XXX big boy,  ‘I love a man with a small XXXXX ‘ and ‘Can I XXXX your XXXX Donnie-boy?’
  • A squeaker that made a noise like a woman having an orgasm every time the dummy was pressed.

The outcome was that, when the public were invited to punch and kick the dummy, no one was prepared to do the job.

“I ain’t kicking the shit out of no lady-doll, even for fifty bucks,” said one red neck to the assembled press, “Don’t seem right to me.”

However, eventually one volunteer stepped forward and picked up the $50. What he then proceeded to do to the Biden effigy cannot be printed in this article. Suffice to say that after his arrest he pleaded the headaches.