Trump Mocks Biden’s stutter as Intro to Offensive Impersonations Cabaret

Trump Mocks Biden’s stutter as Intro to Offensive Impersonations Cabaret
Gage Skidmore / Wikimedia Commons

At a red neck rally in Idaho yesterday, a packed hall of ‘bubbas’ was stunned into silence by the weird and somewhat deranged antics of their hero, ex president and fanny magnet Donald Trump.

Just under ten thousand red neck Trump acolytes had each paid a $200 entrance fee to hear their hero speak. However, moments after stepping up to the lectern, the has-been golden faced alleged criminal, Trump, astounded the gathered by launching into what can only be described as a tasteless mocking of president Joe Biden’s mild speech impediment.

“It was so embarrassing,” said Donna Raincoat, “I thought I was lucky to bag a seat just in front of the stage. I was wrong. Donnie started off with his usual ‘make America great again’ chant and got the audience rocking. Then he leaned forward towards me. I thought he was going to give me a hug, but instead he pulled my jumper over my head and ripped it away from me. I was sat there in front of a crowd of thousands of people in my bra!”

When asked what happened next, Ms Raincoat added, “Donnie shoved my jumper up the back of his jacket so it looked like he had a hunched back. Then he adopted the posture of a baboon and started running around the stage shouting ‘The b-b-ells! The b-b-bells!’… I think he was trying to imitate Joe Biden and Charles Laughton playing Quasimodo in the 1939 movie ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame’ at the same time. With all the stammering came the spittle, and being so close to the stage I got drenched in the stuff. When I got home I had to take a long soak in the tub.”

The ex president then went on to impersonate other famous people, starting with and extremely tasteless impression of the Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu. This he did by plopping a desiccated cow pat on his head and shouting, “Oi vey! Can jew guess who I am already?”

This was followed by an impersonation of Barack Obama. For this he rubbed chocolate onto his face and shoved a very white set of false teeth into his mouth before singing three verses of ‘Camptown Races’, closing with ‘jazz hands’.

But the president hadn’t finished yet. Further lampoons followed. In quick succession he impersonated Frank Sinatra, Homer Simpson, Cher, Charlie Chaplin, Boy George, Mary Poppins, and Pope Francis. 

But his final impersonation was the one that will go on record as the most offensive. The ex president pulled a ukulele from the front of his trousers and started strumming as he sang ‘Tiptoe through the Tulips’ in a lisping falsetto voice, in a pathetic attempt to mimic Tiny Tim performing his 1968 hit single of the same name. After mincing around the stage crooning, the alleged traitor, fraud and sex pest turned towards the crowd of red necks and bellowed, “We don’t want those types of people in our beautiful country, do we?”

Trump then left the stage without saying another word. This reporter understands that following the rally several lawsuits are in train, along with nearly ten thousand demands for ticket refunds.