Trump Abandons Europe to Ming The Merciless

Trump Abandons Europe to Ming The Merciless

In a bizarre statement from the chimp’s butt-hole face of ex president and fanny magnet Donald Trump, he asserted that Europe is no longer to receive the protection from the US, should the idiot be re-elected. In a statement made to a hastily assembled press pack, the ex president gave what can only be described as a disjointed and rambling polemic about NATO, and the future of the organisation under his presidency.

“I don’t give a flying freckle about NATO, Europe, or anywhere else in the world that isn’t this beautiful country of America… beautiful country, with beautiful babies and golf courses. Why should I? Some of those suckers can’t even speak American. Let that bad hombre, what’s his name, have it all. I don’t want to waste another American dollar on those shit hole countries.”

When pressed by the young whippersnapper cub reporter from the UK gardening magazine, Thyme, as to which specific bad hombre the has-been was referring, the press pack were stunned into silence by Trump’s response.

“Ming the Merciless, you dumb ass, who else?”

Quick to respond was the veteran reporter from the UK tabloid, The Daily Shite, who slurred from the back of the room, “He’s a fictional character, you asshole!”

“He wasn’t fictional in that documentary I watched last night,” bellowed Trump, “If it hadn’t have been for Flash Gordon, even America would have fallen to the overly made up merciless dictator. We owe a lot to Flash, and when I get re-elected, I’m gonna appoint him head of homeland security.”

At this point, four burly men in white coats walked over to Trump and bundled him off the stage. An aid took his place at the lectern and was quick to say, “There’s a free bar and a hundred bucks to each of you if you don’t report this story.”

The offer was taken up by all the journos except the young lad from Thyme who pressed the spokesperson for further clarification on Trump’s statement.

“In the real world,” said the lad, “Is the president referring to Vladimir Putin’s war in the Ukraine, and the likelihood that if re-elected Trump will not give American backing to the brave Ukrainians in their battle to defend their country against the illegal and unjustified aggressive invasion from Russia?”

“Er, no,” replied the spokesperson, “I think Donnie really does mean Ming the Merciless. Donnie is going through, well… let’s say he’s having a few problems in the ‘what’s real’ department.”

This latest mouth fart from Trump should have been a gift to the Democrats, but Joe Biden managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory during a press conference an hour later. To a room packed with press hounds, Biden mumbled, “This latest statement from Trump proves beyond doubt he is not in full control of his mental faculties and should be barred from running for the presidency. He thinks Europe is being attacked from space by the science fictional character Ming the Merciless. The guy’s an idiot. Everyone knows Ming is no match for Wonder Woman and that magic lasso of hers… Is my cocoa ready yet?”