In a move that has stunned the US judiciary and legal pundits around the world, the US Supreme Court handed down a ruling today that ex president and comb over cretin Donald Trump’s hair can actually file for divorce.
“This was totally unexpected and out of the blue,” said Benjamin Nostrodamus, the spokesperson for the US fortunetellers, crystal gazers, spaewives, seers, soothsayers, sibyls, clairvoyants, and prophets association, “We never saw this one coming!”
More sensible people, however, were not in the least bit surprised.
“This was totally expected and not out of the blue,” said Monsieur Syrop deFig, the spokesperson for the US Perruquier Society (for the dumbos that don’t know, that’s people who make wigs), “We saw this one coming a mile off!”
M. deFig went on to add, “Gordon, that’s Trump’s luxuriant golden flax topper, has not been happy with Trump for many years now, and feels he would be more fulfilled in his work as a bare spot guardian atop of a more deserving bonce.”
It transpires that ‘Gordon’ has been seeking a separation from the orange-faced sex beast and ex Commander-in-Chief since 2016, but found every move his lawyers made to bring about a legal separation being blocked in the US courts by Trump’s legal henchman, Rudi the Dudy.
“Gordon had no other option than to take his case to the Supreme Court,” droned on M. deFig, “Despite the majority of judges sitting in the Supreme Court being Trump’s butt-lizards, they found in favour of Gordon. Once the paperwork is completed, Gordon will be free to sit atop a more worthy head, and Trump will be finally exposed to the world for what he really is.”
“What’s that?’ asked the cub reporter from the UK gardening magazine, Thyme.
“Bald,” replied M.deFig.
When asked how long it would be before the formalities are completed, M.deFig replied, “I don’t know exactly, but we hope to get Gordie moved before the November ’24 election.”
The news has not gone down well with Trump supporters. Speaking for the ‘We Won’t Live on our F*cking Knees Society’ Mr D.U.M. Asabrick, bellowed,
“Wig wearers are constantly fighting like a boxer with his hands tied behind his back. It’s like a boxer. And we want to be so nice. We want to be so respectful of everybody, including bad people. And we’re going to have to fight much harder. We’re going to have to walk down to the Capitol Wig Emporium, and we’re going to cheer on our brave wig-makers and hair-thatchers, and we’re probably not going to be cheering so much for some of them, because you’ll never take back Trump’s silky golden topper with weakness. You have to show strength and you have to be strong.”
But he’s a nut job, just like the rest of them, so we ignored his treasonous rantings. If democracy is to survive in America, then oppressed head coverings, like Gordon, must be free to choose whose bald patch they hide. God Bless America!