Steve Bannon Admits Wearing Nazi Onesie in Bed

Steve Bannon Admits Wearing Nazi Onesie in Bed
Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images

Ex White House Chief Strategist, and shagged out 60s pop star Peter Noone lookalike, Steve Bannon, admitted to a press gathering that he wears Nazi SS uniform onesie pyjamas in bed. The surprise admission came after this question was asked of Bannon by young Gavin, the UK cub reporter for the UK gardening magazine, Thyme, “Are you in bed with the far right?”

“No,” barked back Bannon, “But I do wear my far right Jim-jams every night when I climb the wooden hill to slumberland.”

Bannon then elaborated thus, “The garment was a gift from The Proud Boys and it’s really neat. It’s just like wearing a Nazi uniform except the material is very soft and snug. I’m so snuggly-buggly in my onesie that I’m sure I wouldn’t get my twelve hours of uninterrupted dreamless sleep if I stopped wearing it now.”

Bannon went on to add that he also wore in bed what he described as a ‘top lip toupee’ to keep his nose warm. Bannon then produced for the press a photograph of the lip rug, which looked uncannily like Adolf Hitler’s moustache.

When asked by the veteran reporter for the UK red top ‘The Daily Shite’ if he was joking, Bannon’s stony faced reply was, “What’s joking?”

For those that don’t know what a ‘onesie’ is, it is a loose fitting leisure garment that covers the torso and legs, usually worn as night attire. 

The admission that Bannon’s preferred choice of pyjamas is to all effects a Nazi uniform has come as no surprise to his critics.

“It tells you all you need to know about the right wing supremacist agitator, Bannon,” said US Vice President Kamala Harris, “He’s a closet Nazi. What he’s not telling you is how many times he’s had to have repairs carried out on the garment. My researchers tell me it’s no less than thirteen. Most of them have been the obvious, re-stitching the front zipper back in place when it splits under the enormous pressure from his killer paunch. But I know for a fact that at least one repair was for when he blew the back flap out with a fart that registered 6.4 on the Richter scale, after sharing a three bean curry with the speaker of the UK House of Commons, Sir Lindsay Hoyle.”

When pressed for a comment on Bannon’s revelation, the US president Joe Biden said, “Sounds a bit quirky to me, but each to his own. I know he’s had problems with his clothes suddenly ripping off when he gets angry, and all that turning green malarkey, so wearing something a little looser fitting in bed would be sensible for the guy.”

When it was suggested that Biden was possibly mixing up Steve Bannon, the right wing shitbag, with Bruce Banner, the DC comics character from The Hulk, Biden responded, “Oh, have I gotten it all mixed up again? Sorry, I think I meant Bananaman.”