ANKARA — Pope Leo XIV, on his first foreign trip as pontiff, issued a dire warning Thursday that the world is entering a period of “heightened global conflict,” solemnly declaring that “the future of humanity is at stake.”
The Vatican’s message, however, was quickly undercut by members of the Pope’s own staff.
“I wouldn’t take Pope Leo’s words too seriously,” whispered one aide, speaking on the condition of anonymity and also because he “could not deal with another disciplinary meeting with His Holiness.” “To be honest, he says ‘humanity’s future is at stake’ every time his phone drops to two bars. Last week he said the same thing when DoorDash was late.”
Another aide confirmed the habit. “He even said it when the Swiss Guard switched the Vatican’s coffee to decaf. Granted, that one did feel like an existential threat.”
Still, despite the Pope’s penchant for apocalyptic phrasing, Vatican officials insist that the pontiff’s message in Turkey is grounded in genuine concern.
“We are at a moment of global tension,” one official clarified. “But yes, he also uses that exact line when the thermostat is off by more than three degrees.”
