Disgraced Ex UK PM Johnson to Play Clown in Remake of ‘IT’ Movie

Disgraced Ex UK PM Johnson to Play Clown in Remake of ‘IT’ Movie
Photographed by Matt Brown

The disgraced former prime minister of the UK, Boris Johnson, has accepted the role of ‘Beppo the sad faced clown’ in a bizarre remake of the international best selling novel by Stephen King, ‘IT’. King’s novel has already been adapted into a two-part miniseries, as well as spawning two theatrical movies. However, this latest version, to be produced by Lionsgate studios, will be set in the UK, with Johnson in the lead role. What is unique and bizarre about this version is that Johnson will also play all the other characters. 

“The movie will be a triumph of AI technology,” crowed studio mogul John Feltheimer, “Using AI we are able to recreate Boris as not only the clown, but also all the kids and the adults in the story. Okay, so our production costs will go up, but the fees for the cast will be lower than a snake’s belly.”

Feltheimer went on to add, “We picked up Boris for a peppercorn fee because he’s desperate for work, and will do anything that puts the fat tub of lard into the papers. Boris is already known throughout the globe as a buffoon, and a clumsy waffling oaf that creeps people out, so he’ll be playing to type.”

When pressed for the exact amount of money Johnson will receive, Feltheimer was elusive at first, but in the end confirmed it would be £1,000 plus a toy ‘sit in and pedal’ London bus. 

U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson resigned in disgrace as head of his Conservative Party, and as Britain's prime minister after a slew of members of his government said they could no longer serve under his scandal-tarred leadership. His scandals whilst in office were too many to list in this article but included:

  • Lying to the House.
  • Illegally partying many times while the UK was in lockdown during the Covid pandemic.
  • Lying to the Queen.
  • The unlawful prorogation of Parliament.
  • Paying public funds to Jennifer Arcuri – a lady he was having an affair with at the time.
  • Accepting money illegally from donors for, e.g. refurbishing his flat.
  • Authorising the evacuation of dogs and cats from Afghanistan- an act that left many people that helped the UK in the fight against the Taliban at their mercy.

“I’m delighted to have this opportunity to serve my country by playing Beppo,” spluttered the bumbling idiot Johnson to a press gathering at a posh club in Westminster, London, “And I’m also available for weddings, funerals, after dinner speeches and Bar Mitzvahs…at very reasonable rates, I can tell you. You wouldn’t get Rishi Sunak for what I’m charging.  I’ll also tackle any odd jobs you want doing, but I draw the line at bar keeping. I like a drop, so I’d probably guzzle more than I’d serve.”

“The movie will bomb,” predicted the head of Sony Pictures, Tony Vinciquerra, “We looked at it a while back when Johnson first approached us with the project. His version of the story is derivative, hackneyed and farcical. For example, instead of the clown living in the storm drains, he lives in a bijou basement flat in Hammersmith, has a butler, and has champagne on tap. It’s ludicrous. That said, Johnson’s Beppo is very convincing.”