A sneaky underhand plot to return Barack Obama as the next Democrat candidate to run for the US presidency has been exposed during a press conference at the Democratic National Committee headquarters building in Washington. The hastily assembled press call was to announce the replacement of the current incumbent, Joe Biden, with a new Democratic presidential candidate.
The assembled press pack was presented with a tall man wearing what was obviously a ginger wig, whose face had been liberally plastered with white powder.
“Ladies, gentlemen, and those that don’t know which restroom to use, may I offer you for questions our new presidential candidate,” said a spokesperson for the Democrats, as he (or she) pushed the tall gentleman towards the front of the stage, “Mister Barry O’Bamah.”
“Top o’ the morning to yews all,” said the new candidate in what was clearly a very poor attempt at an Irish accent, “It has been decided that Joe will retire on grounds of frequent napping during important meeting, and I will stand in his place. I intent to whup the ass of any Republican they put up against me.”
Mr O’Bamah went on to add, “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek…er, to be sure.”
At this point, the sharp eyed young cub reporter from the UK gardening magazine, Thyme, shouted out, “Hang on! That’s a wig, isn’t it?”
O’Bamah was quick to respond with, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change…er, at all, at all!”
But the young cub reporter persisted, shouting, “You’re wearing a wig, and you’re covered in white face powder. You’re Barack Obama honkeyed up!”
O’Bamah then bellowed at the lad, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Now, fuck off sonny-Jim before I clout yews round the lug hole!”
At this point, four burly security guards grabbed the young reporter and dragged him outside for a re-education session up a back alley outside the building. However, the press pack was not assuaged. Amid much booing and heckling, the seasoned reporter from the UK news rag The Daily Shite shouted, “Admit it! You’re Obama. We really aren’t as dumb as we look.”
It was at this point that Obama slid off the ginger wig. Looking crestfallen he slumped off the stage. He was heard to say to a bunch of Democrat bigwigs as he left the room, “Sorry guys. I tried my best.”
Over drinks in the green room later, the spokesperson for the Democrats came clean and admitted the attempted deception.
“You can’t blame us for trying,” he (or she) sobbed into his Pernod and elderflower Presse cocktail, “If Joe runs we’re sunk. I don’t think he can stay awake long enough to last a TV debate with Trump. Even worse, he’s convinced Donald Trump is a Disney cartoon character. An Obama comeback was our only hope.”