Governor Greg Abbott proudly signed into law a bill that has taken a bold step to put an end to the alleged hoax that is climate change by declaring climate change illegal. The new law, dubbed the "Climate Denial Act," makes it a criminal offense to discuss or advocate for the reality of climate change in any public or educational setting in Texas. Under this groundbreaking legislation, anyone caught using terms like "climate change," "global warming," "greenhouse gases," or "rising sea levels" will face hefty fines and potential jail time.
In a press conference, Governor Abbott passionately declared, "We Texans believe in our God-given right to pump as much oil and burn as much coal as we damn well please. Climate change, if it even exists, is not our concern. We're here to protect the real American values of personal freedom and profit."
The law has garnered praise from certain corners of the state, with Texas' fossil fuel industry celebrating the newfound legal protection. ExxonMobil and Chevron have even started planning victory parades and fireworks displays, convinced that they have successfully silenced the looming specter of climate science.
In response to criticism from environmentalists, the Texas legislature insists that they're simply taking a stand against liberal "alarmism" and "left-wing propaganda." State Senator Mayes Middleton proudly proclaimed, "We won't let these tree-huggers and their so-called 'facts' ruin our way of life. We're Texans, and we don't believe in science; we believe in barbecue, pickup trucks, and the almighty dollar."
The international community has been surprised to say the least, with many wondering if this is just another bizarre chapter in Texas' storied history of quirky laws and declarations. "It's almost like declaring gravity illegal because you don't believe in falling," remarked one European climate scientist.