Biden to Pass New Law Giving Embryos the Right to Vote

Biden to Pass New Law Giving Embryos the Right to Vote
Leah Millis/Reuters

In a presidential election year it was predictable that one side or the other’s candidate would come up with an outrageous scheme to improve their chances of becoming the president. It was generally thought that ex president Donald Trump would be the most likely to invent a way of fiddling the electoral role to gain advantage, but, surprisingly, it is the incumbent, President Biden, who is first out of the traps with a vote rigging scheme. 

Biden has announced that all women who have reached puberty and are eligible to vote will be granted special status, this being that each embryo the woman carries will be entitled to vote. The caveat being that the embryo is obliged to vote for the same candidate as the female carrier.

The new rule applies to all eligible women, not just Democrat voters. The average woman over the age of puberty will carry in her womb more than 300,000 embryos. However, more women vote Democrat than for the Republican Party. It follows that Biden voters will have a disproportionately larger number of ‘embry-votes’, sufficient to secure an easy win for the current Commander-in-Chief.

Understandably the Trump camp are furious. The spokesperson for the re-election of the US traitor and sex offender Trump, Billy Whitewash, bleated to a hastily assembled bunch of drunken press hounds, “This is not only unfair and unconstitutional, but the worst case of gerrymandering in the history of voting in the United States. It’s nothing short of criminal, and ‘sleazy Joe’ should be held to account for this travesty.” He then went on to try and encourage the press pack to start chanting ‘lock him up’ repeatedly, but was largely ignored.

However, it didn’t go unnoticed by the sozzled journos that Whitewash made his statement from the back of a truckload of ‘customised’ Domino Pizza electronic vote counting machines, specially adapted to reject any vote for the Democrats. When quizzed on the contents of the truck, Whitewash dismissed any allegations of potential vote rigging thus: 

“These machines are being provided free gratis and for nothing to all US states, so anyone unhappy about the odd tweak and modification we’ve had the boffins at Domino make for us should expect Rudi’s law suit in the post.”

Biden’s new law has gone down extremely badly with a slither of society that fanatically backs the Republican Party, i.e. the Proud Boys for the Re-election of Adolf Trump Society. Their spokesman, Bubba Shitforbrains, had this to say:

“This is a galdang disgrace. It’s a conspiracy! These lefty, pinko, alien, libtard devil worshipping, baby eating, nun fucking fuckers are stealing American from under our noses. The earth is flat, and that’s a fact! I for one am having female embryos planted in my cahooneys to even things up. Let’s hope the rest of the boys will follow suit.”

A spokesperson from the rest of the boys said, “Shitforbrains is a fricking nut job. No way are we gonna inject girlie shit into our goolies. We’re just gonna slouch about threatening people with our guns instead.”