Biden mistakes Hutus for Houthis and bombs Rwanda

Biden mistakes Hutus for Houthis and bombs Rwanda
Dalle 3

President Joe Biden is no stranger to gaffes. In a recent press call the incumbent Commander-in-Chief kept mixing up Gaza with Ukraine regarding airdrops of aid. However, his latest gaffe has caused outrage around the world, particularly in the UK. After a campaign of missile attacks on shipping by the Houthi rebels in Yemen, a furious Biden instructed the US Air Force to carry out a bombing raid on the capital city of Rwanda. The hapless Biden had mistaken the Houthis for the Hutus.

The Hutu, also known as the Abahutu, are a Bantu ethnic or social group which is native to the African Great Lakes region. They mainly live in Rwanda, Burundi and the eastern Democratic Republic of the Congo, where they form one of the principal ethnic groups alongside the Tutsi near the Great Lakes. They are mainly armed with spears, and have nothing to do with firing missiles at shipping in the Red Sea. 

   The Houthis‘ recent successful attack on the tanker Rubymar, the vessel having finally sunk yesterday, prompted the president to fly into a rage and demand a ‘shock and awe’ style cruise missile attack on Kigali, the Rwandan capital city. When his aides pointed out the mix up to the president, he was reported to have said, “Houthis, Hutus, Heeby-Jeebies, who cares? Just bomb the shit out of them. I’m ready for my nap now.”

The president of Rwanda, Paul Kagame was apoplectic with rage following the missile attack. He told an assembled group of international journalists, “Seven cruise missiles hit a building in the heart of the capital… SEVEN! Those Yankee sons-of-bitches did nearly fifty dollars worth of damage. Luckily for us nobody was in the building at the time.”

The edifice in this case was a building constructed at the behest of the British government specifically to house illegal immigrants deported from the UK. This is known in the UK as the Rwanda scheme, or more commonly, the ‘scheme to pour UK taxpayers’ money into a bottomless pit without ever managing to deport a single illegal immigrant’.

“It will cost over seventy million English pounds to rebuild this facility,” bemoaned Kagame, a sly glint in his eye, “At least that’s what we’ll tell the Brits. Have you seen my new yacht?”

A spokesman for the US president was quick to defend the recent cock-up.

“It’s an easy mistake to make,” said Dr Selem Snakeoil, “Joe’s getting a little deaf lately. Still, nobody got hurt, so no harm done. We’ll cover the fifty bucks for the costs of the rebuild. The Brits can take care of the usual brown envelopes, bribes and sweeteners. They’ll do anything we tell ‘em.”

When asked if he had any further concerns about mistakes such as this one being made in the future, Snakeoil sounded confident, saying, “It’s unlikely. We’ve put a new set of batteries in Joe’s hearing aid.”

However, under his breath he added, “That said, Joe gets confused about who Hamas are, so we’ve put the Amish community on red alert.”