Biden Holds Rally in Wrong Georgia

Biden Holds Rally in Wrong Georgia
Photo by Neil Sengupta / Unsplash

President Biden has a reputation for blunders, but his latest clusterfuck trumps (no pun intended) them all. His advisors informed the president that the swing state of Georgia was a fundamental place to hold a rally for his supporters if he was to succeed in winning the presidential election later this year. The hapless president dutifully mumbled out the necessary orders to make this happen. But, in spite of the protests from his team, Biden gave instructions for the rally to be held in Georgia, the ex Soviet state, not the state in the US.

Georgia is a transcontinental country in Eastern Europe and West Asia. It is part of the Caucasus region, bounded by the Black Sea, Russia, Turkey, Armenia, and Azerbaijan. It has a population of nearly four million people, very few of which are American voters. 

When the rally was held, virtually nobody turned up. Those that did could not understand Biden’s political mumblings because a) he could hardly string a sentence together being shagged out after such a long journey there, and b) nobody spoke English.

“We tried to tell him he was making a big mistake” bemoaned Julie Chávez Rodríguez, Biden’s campaign manager, “But he’d recently completed a ‘be assertive’ self-improvement course we’d sent him on in an attempt to get him ready for a one-on-one debate with Donald Trump. The course seemed to have worked. When we told him it was the wrong Georgia he told us all to fuck off.” 

After the Biden rally, the current president of Georgia, Salome Zourabichvili, issued the following statement:

“The country of Georgia wishes to express its delight that the president of the United States of America, Joe Biden, made a surprise visit to our country to further his goal of being re-elected. However, it would have been gracious of Mr Biden to forewarn us of his visit, so we could have arranged for a few rowdies to kick up a stink and throw the odd rotting cabbage at him. This country is not anti-American by any means. We think of ourselves as a democracy, and our ambition is to one day join the European Union. However, have you seen that big cunt that lives next door? If Putin thinks we invited Biden here, then we’ll all be checking our doorknobs for Novichok for the next few years. So please, Mr Biden, tell that baldy Bolshevik it was your screw-up not an invite.”

After the news of Biden’s latest blunder hit the press, ex president and fanny magnet Donald Trump was quick to comment, saying, “What can you expect from sleepy Joe? The poor old fart is senile. Now I’m off to Waco to conduct the Proud Boys’ choir of patriotic treasonous insurgents from their prison cells, in a rendition of the Stars and Stripes sung to me through mobile phones smuggled into the jail up their butts...great guys…great butts…true American ass-holes.”