President Joe Biden has miraculously come to the realization that he is, in fact, the President of the United States. And as if that wasn't enough to stun the nation into silence, he has also single-handedly solved the Middle East crisis.
The man who once forgot his own Secretary of Defense’s name and the Department of Defense’s name during a live speech has somehow managed to untangle the intricate web of political, religious, and cultural tensions that has plagued the Middle East for centuries.
Biden, who has been affectionately nicknamed "Sleepy Joe" by his political opponents, apparently woke up from his nap, rolled up his sleeves, and decided it was high time to fix the Middle East. And fix it he did.
The President, who was previously thought to be unfamiliar with the concept of a map, somehow navigated the complex geopolitical landscape of the region with ease. He brokered peace deals, solved the Israel-Palestine conflict, and even found a way to get Iran and Saudi Arabia to sit down and have a civil conversation.
"I just thought to myself, 'Joe, you've been in politics for 47 years. It's about time you did something useful,'" Biden reportedly told his aides.
Of course, this incredible achievement has left many people baffled. Republicans are scratching their heads, wondering how on earth Biden managed to pull this off when he can barely string a sentence together. Democrats are equally perplexed, but are nonetheless reveling in the glory of this unexpected victory.
Even former President Donald Trump took to Twitter (or whatever social media platform he’s allowed on these days) to express his disbelief. “I have to admit, I didn’t think Sleepy Joe had it in him. But he proved me wrong. Maybe he’s not so sleepy after all,” Trump tweeted, much to the shock of his followers.