After Budget Cuts, NSA Asks Citizens to Voluntarily Submit Their Daily Conversations

After Budget Cuts, NSA Asks Citizens to Voluntarily Submit Their Daily Conversations
Generated by DALL E

The National Security Agency (NSA) has launched a new initiative asking American citizens to voluntarily submit transcripts of their daily conversations. This bold strategy comes after a series of budget cuts, which an NSA spokesperson has described as "a creative opportunity for patriotic community involvement."

Dubbed "Project Overshare," the initiative was introduced at a recent press conference, where NSA officials explained that participating in the program is akin to a civic duty, much like jury duty or paying taxes. "It's about fostering transparency, community spirit, and an indiscriminate fondness for surveillance among citizens," explained the spokesperson, wearing a 'Big Brother is BFF' t-shirt.

Citizens are encouraged to submit conversations from a variety of contexts: awkward dinner table discussions, gossip during coffee breaks, pillow talk, heated debates over the latest reality TV show, and particularly any karaoke night performances. A convenient, user-friendly app called "NSAy What?" is set to be released, which promises exciting features such as daily conversation quotas, friend spy networks, and rewards for 'Top Sharer of the Week.'

The NSA has assured the public that this move isn't a desperate bid to maintain their data streams but rather a chance for Americans to be part of something bigger than themselves. "Think of it as a neighborhood watch," suggested the NSA Director during the press briefing. "But instead of looking out for the suspicious person walking down the street, you're looking out for the suspicious words coming out of your own mouth. Or your neighbor's mouth. Or your dog's mouth, if he's particularly chatty."

Privacy advocates have expressed significant concern, but the NSA was quick to reassure that all shared conversations are stripped of context, making them practically meaningless. "We're not invading privacy," the spokesperson said. "We're crowd-sourcing national security. It's like a Kickstarter for your personal conversations. And who doesn't love Kickstarter?"

In response to questions about the potential for false information, the agency noted that they have advanced algorithms in place to detect fiction, except for science fiction, "which can be particularly tricky."

As an added incentive, the NSA has introduced a 'Loyalty Listen Program.' For every ten conversations submitted, citizens will receive coupons for a free coffee or a discounted muffler replacement at participating locations.

While it's too early to measure the success of the program, the NSA is optimistic. "We believe this approach will not only keep our nation safe," said the Director, "but also bring people together. Nothing says unity like collectively eavesdropping on ourselves."

Read more