Boeing Dodges Lawsuit After Passengers Fall Out of Giant Hole in Plane

Boeing has apparently sidestepped a major lawsuit after passengers on one of its planes miraculously survived a fall from a "giant hole" that appeared mid-flight. The incident, which has led to widespread disbelief, occurred last week during a flight that was, up until the hole's appearance, entirely uneventful. According to reports, passengers aboard Flight 498 were startled when a gaping hole suddenly formed on the aircraft's side, promptly ejecting several passengers. Eyewitnesses described the scene as "utterly bewildering."

Boeing's official response, as reported, was a mix of relief and baffling corporate jargon. Boeing attributed the incident to "an unforeseen rapid decompression event, catalyzed by the spontaneous integration of atmospheric anomalies with the aircraft's external paneling." The aerospace giant further assured the public that this was "a highly unlikely and unique occurrence" and promised to "engage in a thorough review of [their] fuselage integrity protocols."

Unexpectedly, instead of suing, the Flight 498 passengers have become instant celebrities, appearing on talk shows and receiving endorsements. One member, who was ejected but miraculously landed in a large, soft haystack, told reporters, "I always wanted to fly, just didn't think it'd be like this. Thank you, Boeing, for making my dream come true, sort of."

Boeing's legal team, meanwhile, has been breathing sighs of relief so loud they've been mistaken for more aircraft malfunctions. "It's not every day that you sidestep litigation because your passengers decide to become influencers instead of plaintiffs," one lawyer was overheard saying.