Oct 15, 2023

The "Third Person" Conspiracy: A Billionaire Puppet Master in Southern California?

SUNNYSIDE, CALIFORNIA - In a twist, no one saw coming, a third individual has won over a billion dollars in Southern California this year, sparking whispers of an elaborate conspiracy orchestrated by the elusive "Third Person." It’s no longer just about sun, surf, and Hollywood in Southern California. It’s about a series of unimaginably lucky events... or are they?

Third Time's the Charm or The Work of The "Third Person"?
When the first winner, Jane Doe, strutted to the bank with her billion-dollar check, we cheered. When the second, John Smith, did the same months later, we scratched our heads. But now, as Robert Roe claims the third billion-dollar prize, we can't help but sense the puppet strings of the mysterious "Third Person."

Who is the "Third Person"?
According to top conspiracy theorists (who spoke to us from their moms' basements), the "Third Person" is an omnipotent figure controlling the fate of Southern Californians, ensuring that every few months, one of them becomes an overnight billionaire. This figure, rumored to be a combination of Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and a disgruntled former game show host, has the power to pull the strings of chance in favor of his "chosen ones."

Why Billionaires? Why Now?
Is the "Third Person" attempting to create an army of billionaires to purchase and transform Southern California into a mega yacht haven or a giant theme park? Or perhaps they are planting the seeds for a new reality show: "Who Wants to Be a Secret Puppet Billionaire?"

Subtle Clues or Pure Coincidence?
Believers of the theory are quick to point out uncanny coincidences. All three winners reportedly bought their tickets on a Tuesday. Each of them had exactly three pet goldfish. And, perhaps the most telling clue of all, the word "three" has... you guessed it... FIVE letters! (Wait, that might be off. But who's counting?)

The Skeptics Weigh In
Of course, there are those boring individuals who believe these winnings are just down to chance. "It's pure statistics," said Professor Ima Realist from the University of Hard Facts. "With enough people playing, someone is bound to win."

Yet, isn't it a bit too convenient, Professor Realist? Three billionaires in less than a year? In the same region? All with a penchant for goldfish?

In Conclusion
As the sun sets on another day in Southern California, we are left with more questions than answers. Is there a "Third Person" lurking in the shadows, turning unsuspecting Californians into billionaires, or is it all just a fun play of numbers?

For now, we can only advise Southern Californians to invest in goldfish, buy their lottery tickets on Tuesdays, and watch for any mysterious, puppet-master-like figures in the vicinity. Just in case.