Oct 26, 2023

The Government’s Secret Plan to Save the World: More Bureaucracy

In a stroke of genius, sources confirmed Tuesday that the world’s governments have united to tackle the planet’s most pressing issues with a bold, innovative solution: introducing more bureaucracy. The plan, dubbed “Operation Red Tape,” is set to revolutionize efficiency, transparency, and overall global happiness, according to officials.

Leaders from around the world gathered in a top-secret Zoom call last week, where they reportedly exchanged high-fives and congratulatory speeches for finally cracking the code to world peace and prosperity. “Who would have thought?” chuckled one anonymous world leader. “All we needed to do was add more layers, more forms, and more approval processes. It’s so simple, it’s genius!”

The comprehensive strategy involves increasing the number of government departments, divisions, and sub-committees, all dedicated to streamlining processes that were previously streamlined. “We’ve realized that the problem all along was that we just didn’t have enough people looking at the paperwork,” explained a high-ranking official. “Now, with quadruple the oversight, we anticipate a smoother operation across the board.”

Citizens around the globe can expect to enjoy longer wait times, more paperwork and additional hoops to jump through for even the simplest of tasks. “It’s all part of the experience,” assured one bureaucrat, “We believe that by increasing the complexity of everyday activities, we’re helping people build character and patience.”

The government is also introducing a new department dedicated solely to creating forms. “We’ve got forms for your forms now,” boasted the newly appointed Secretary of Paperwork. “And we’re in the process of developing a sub-department for form oversight and regulation. It’s bureaucracy at its finest.”

Critics have called the plan outlandish, excessive, and a masterpiece of satire in and of itself. However, officials are confident that the new system will prove them wrong. “Just wait until they see the new tax forms,” chuckled an insider. “They’re going to love it.”

In the spirit of transparency, the government has promised to release a 5,000-page report detailing the plan, available for public viewing after it has been reviewed, revised, and approved by the newly formed Committee for the Review of Important Documents. “We expect the review process to take no more than a decade,” reassured an official. “Efficiency is our top priority.”

As the world braces for this bold new era of bureaucratic bliss, citizens are advised to stock up on pens, printers, and patience. The future is here, and it’s wrapped in red tape.