Oct 23, 2023

Prudent Local Boy Drops Out Day Before Graduation to Avoid Student Loan Debt, Accidentally Becomes Financial Guru

THRIFTYTOWN, USA – In an economic masterstroke that's being called "The Great Evaduation," local student Barry "Budget Boss" Goodman, 22, strategically dropped out of college a mere 24 hours before graduation in a savvy move to dodge the impending doom of student loan repayments, sources close to the fiscal prodigy confirmed Thursday.

"I was staring at my cap and gown, and it hit me like a ton of overdue library books," Goodman explained, using a calculator to outsmart a system he barely understands. "If I never graduate, technically, I'm just a student forever, right? And if I'm a perpetual student, the loan companies can just put it on my tab until the end of time!"

The finance world has been upended by Goodman's unconventional penny-pinching prowess. "We've never seen anything like it," said bewildered economist Dr. Rich B. Broke. "By not graduating, he's exploited a loophole we didn't even know existed. It's like he's in academic limbo, just out of reach of the financial grim reaper."

Goodman's parents, initially devastated, have since come around after their son landed a book deal and a TED Talk entitled "Debt Dodger: How I Turned My Back on Diplomas and Dollars." "We wanted a graduation photo for the mantel," his mother shared, scrolling through skyrocketing pre-order sales, "but I suppose a Forbes Magazine cover works just as well."

As college campuses buzz with the revolutionary "Goodman Gambit," student loan companies are scrambling to patch what they're calling "The Dropout Clause," and cap-and-gown sales are suspiciously plummeting.

Meanwhile, the almost-alumnus is already planning his next financial coup: living in his parent's basement until he's 40 to save on rent, a strategy he affectionately dubs "Operation Boomerang Kid."

At press time, Goodman was seen advising a group of awe-struck underclassmen, saying, "Remember, kids, C's get degrees, but strategic dropout game avoids financial pain!" while his former classmates drowned in a sea of job applications requiring degrees he skillfully sidestepped.