Sep 25, 2023

Opinion: Alarm Clocks Are a Tool of the Oppressors – Let's Sleep Through the Revolution

In a world obsessed with productivity, where time is money and sleep is for the weak, I'd like to present a revolutionary idea: alarm clocks are a tool of the oppressors, and it's high time we hit the snooze button on the capitalist agenda.

Let's face it, alarm clocks are the rudest invention in the history of mankind. They interrupt our sweet dreams, shatter our peaceful slumber, and demand that we begrudgingly drag ourselves out of bed to join the relentless grind of modern life. But what if, just what if, we dared to defy these relentless tick-tock tyrants?

First, let's acknowledge that alarm clocks were invented by someone who clearly lacked empathy. It's as if they woke up one morning with the sole purpose of ensuring that no one else would ever sleep in again. They are the embodiment of a sleep-deprived sadist's wildest fantasies.

Consider this: the traditional alarm clock is a jarring assault on our senses, a blaring, shrieking machine that wrenches us from the comfort of our dreams into the cold, unforgiving reality of our daily obligations. It's no coincidence that "alarm" shares a root with "alarmist." Waking up to an alarm clock is like being thrust into a never-ending state of emergency.

Now, some may argue that alarm clocks are necessary to ensure we get to work on time, attend meetings, and generally keep society from descending into chaos. But I counter that argument with a simple question: Is a society that relies on such cruel devices really worth preserving?

Imagine a world where we let our bodies dictate when it's time to wake up. No more shockingly early mornings or bleary-eyed commutes. Instead, we'd wake up naturally, refreshed and ready to face the day. Of course, this might mean the occasional noon start time, but isn't that a small price to pay for a utopian existence?

I propose a revolution – the Sleepolution, if you will. Let us dismantle our alarm clocks, bury them deep in the backyard, and declare a new era of restful, unrushed mornings. We can replace our alarm clocks with gentle, melodious birdsong or the soothing sound of ocean waves. Imagine waking up to a world of harmony rather than chaos.

Critics may scoff and argue that a world without alarm clocks is a world where nothing gets done. To them, I say, "Nonsense!" We will redefine productivity. We will work when we're rested and inspired, not when some obnoxious, shrill device tells us to.

So, let's sleep through the revolution, my friends, and in doing so, let us wake up to a brighter, more well-rested tomorrow. After all, it's time we reclaimed the night and told alarm clocks to take a hike – preferably off a very tall cliff, preferably during a peaceful, undisturbed slumber.

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