Nov 2, 2023

Man Emerges from Basement After Year-Long TV Binge, Shocked to Discover Netflix Originals Don’t Count as Job Experience

After an arduous year-long expedition through the depths of his mother’s basement, local man Tim Jefferson has bravely resurfaced, armed with an encyclopedic knowledge of every Netflix original series and a severe vitamin D deficiency. Eager to reintegrate into society, Jefferson made the daring decision to apply for a job, only to be met with the crushing realization that his newfound expertise in fictional universes does not translate to marketable job skills.

“I just don’t get it,” Jefferson lamented, shielding his eyes from the cruel and unusual brightness of the sun. “I’ve spent the last 365 days meticulously studying the intricate plotlines of ‘Stranger Things’, ‘The Crown’, and ‘BoJack Horseman’. If that’s not dedication, I don’t know what is.”

Jefferson’s resume, a masterpiece of delusion, proudly listed his extensive binging accomplishments under ‘Professional Experience’, including but not limited to: “Strategic Planning and Analysis” (deciding which series to watch next), “Time Management” (fitting in just one more episode before bed), and “Teamwork and Collaboration” (arguing with online fandoms).

Employers, however, were less than impressed. “We were looking for someone with real-world experience, not someone who’s well-versed in the upside down,” said one baffled HR manager, referencing the parallel universe in ‘Stranger Things’. “Also, he seemed pale and kept asking where the nearest outlet was to charge his TV remote.”

Undeterred by his initial lack of success, Jefferson has vowed to continue his job search, confident that there’s a place for him in the workforce. “Maybe I’ll apply to be a detective,” he mused. “I’ve watched enough ‘Sherlock’ to know that all you need is a cool coat and a British accent.”

In the meantime, Jefferson has returned to the comforting embrace of his mother’s basement, where he plans to start binging ‘Game of Thrones’ in preparation for his next career move: claiming the Iron Throne.