In a groundbreaking move to bridge the gap between military-industrial complex and consumer-friendly practices, Lockheed Martin has unveiled its latest initiative: the "War Miles" loyalty card.
"Think of it like frequent flyer miles, but for defense spending!" said Lockheed Martin CEO, Wanda Walletfiller, at a press conference earlier this week. "Every time the U.S. gets involved in a military conflict, our most loyal customers can now earn points!"
The "War Miles" card promises to reward countries based on their defense spending with Lockheed Martin. For every billion dollars spent, countries can earn points which can be redeemed for a range of rewards, from a free fighter jet on your tenth purchase to a guided tour of a missile factory.
The announcement was met with enthusiasm from imaginary government officials. Senator Cashington Billmore, known in this for his enthusiastic defense spending, reportedly said, "I've always said, if you're going to spend billions on defense, you might as well get a free tank out of it!"
However, not everyone is on board with the new loyalty scheme. Peace activist, Penny Smith, reportedly held a protest outside the satirical Lockheed Martin headquarters, holding a sign that read, "War Miles? I'd rather walk."