Oct 20, 2023

Local Wizard Conjures 'Mustard-Snickers Potion', Promises It'll Change Snack Game, Mystify Taste Buds

DATELINE: Denver, CO — In a culinary twist that defies both convention and common sense, a local self-proclaimed wizard, Albus Sandwich, unveiled his newest concoction last week: a bizarre fusion of mustard and the beloved chocolate bar Snickers, all brewed in his dubious cauldron.

"I was struck by a vision of uniting the disparate kingdoms of tangy and sweet," Sandwich told reporters, while manically stirring what witnesses have described as a "worryingly sentient" yellow-brown goo. "The world called for a hero to blur the line between candy and condiment. Lo and behold, I have answered!"

Dressed in a robe that was clearly once a shower curtain and a hat suspiciously resembling a repurposed traffic cone, Sandwich has become a divisive figure in Denver. His neighbors describe his previous magical culinary efforts as "an acquired taste" that "nobody wished to acquire."

"Eating his chocolate-covered garlic was like being cursed with deliciously bad breath," shared one reluctant taste-tester, still visibly haunted.

The Mustard-Snickers Potion, however, is Albus's magnum opus. The product promises to "bewilder your palate while questioning all you've known about flavor," and comes with the wizard's guarantee of either absolute delight or your most unforgettable gag reflex.

Food critics are skeptical. "This unholy alliance of mustard and Snickers is an affront to both snack lovers and common decency," commented one. "What's next, pickle juice in our soda?"

Despite criticism, Sandwich is confident his creation will take off. "It's for the bold, the adventurous, the ones who dare to ask, 'What if my candy bar was...spicy?'"

When asked what's the ideal pairing for the Mustard-Snickers Potion, the wizard mused, "It's a dessert. It's a condiment. It's a way of life. Pair it with a hotdog. Slather it on a sundae. The possibilities will terrify you."

As of press time, the FDA was seen entering Sandwich's mystical kitchen/cauldron garage with a team of very confused health inspectors.