Oct 19, 2023

Local Man's People-Pleasing Escalates to Unprecedented Levels; Both North Korea and South Korea "Fairly Satisfied"

In an audacious feat of agreeableness, Jeffery Buncombe, 37, known to friends as "the guy who can't say no," has unofficially ended the Korean conflict by desperately trying to keep everyone "sorta happy" at a UN mixer he wasn't even invited to. Sources say Jeffery, a part-time dog walker and full-time pushover, stumbled into the event while attempting to validate everyone's parking in the building.

Witnesses report that Jeffery's frenzied spree of people-pleasing began innocently enough, refilling drinks and laughing heartily at jokes he didn't understand. However, things spiraled when he accidentally agreed with both North and South Korean representatives during a casual political argument, unknowingly brokering a peace deal.

"It was incredible," stated a Swedish diplomat. "He nodded so vigorously at opposing viewpoints, both parties thought he was on their side. He kept saying 'good point' and somehow initiated the most agreeable ceasefire in history."

In the span of two hours, Jeffery also solved a border dispute between three countries he can't pronounce, agreed to host seven foreign exchange students, and promised to cut greenhouse emissions by 40% just by "probably taking the bus or something."

When asked about his newfound role as an international mediator, Jeffery responded, "Oh, I didn't want to interrupt. They all seemed to have such strong opinions. Do you think they liked me?"

In related news, Jeffery has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, which he tried to turn down before being informed that's not how it works. He's also been scheduled for a summit with several Middle Eastern nations next week, which he agreed to host at his two-bedroom apartment, stating everyone is welcome to crash on his couch.