Oct 12, 2023

Local Man Promoted for Revolutionary "Bare Minimum" Work Ethic; Colleagues Stunned

Fairfax, VA – Local 9-5 grinder, Barry Minimo, has climbed the corporate ladder using his groundbreaking "Bare Minimum" strategy, leaving a trail of completed checklists, zero overtime hours, and an immaculately preserved work-life balance.

Colleagues report that Barry, the man now hailed as the "Sultan of Sustain," has perfected the art of doing just enough work to maintain his employment. This revolutionary approach has paradoxically catapulted him into a management position at the firm. His strategy involves attending meetings but never contributing, mastering the art of nodding knowingly, and miraculously transforming five-day tasks into month-long odysseys.

"He's incredible," says coworker Shelly Grindmore, who admits to spending her evenings in a caffeine-fueled haze, replying to work emails with bloodshot eyes. "He takes a 15-minute task and stretches it into a week-long project. It's like watching a magician perform. How does he do it? Seriously, is there a seminar we can attend?"

Another colleague, who wishes to remain anonymous, whispered in reverent tones, "Barry has somehow managed to automate 90% of his job and delegates the other 10%. He says it's efficient. His computer and intern do the man’s job, but management calls it 'innovative streamlining.'"

The office legend states that Barry's crowning moment came during the annual review of a project no one remembers starting. Witnesses say he presented a vague PowerPoint slide while uttering the phrase, "It's about quality, not quantity." He was given a standing ovation and a promotion on the spot. The slide has since been framed and is currently the subject of deep study by top business schools worldwide.

Beyond his professional “achievements,” Barry’s personal life is flourishing. Unburdened by work after precisely 5:00 PM, he has learned three languages, mastered the art of French cooking, and built a working replica of Rome's Colosseum using nothing but toothpicks and hot glue.

"Work-life balance is crucial," Barry explained to us, from his hand-built