Nov 2, 2023

Local HOA Unanimously Decides to Ban Happiness, Fun Still Permitted on Alternate Thursdays

The homeowners association (HOA) of Pleasantville Estates has decided to ban happiness within the community, citing "excessive noise, unsightly displays of joy, and general disruption of the monotonous peace we've worked so hard to establish."

The association’s president, Barbara Tightlips, held a press conference in front of her immaculately groomed lawn, stating, “We’ve noticed an uptick in happiness and frivolity within the community, and we simply cannot have that. People are laughing too loudly, smiling too widely, and quite frankly, it’s creating an environment that is far too pleasant.”

The new bylaw, which takes effect immediately, outlines strict guidelines for acceptable behavior within the community. Smiling is permitted, but only in a manner that does not show more than six teeth at a time. Laughter is allowed, but only at a volume not exceeding 40 decibels, and only if it does not contain more than two consecutive “ha’s.”

Residents are understandably perplexed by the new regulations. Jim Joyful, a long-time resident of Pleasantville Estates, expressed his disbelief, saying, “I thought this was a joke at first. I mean, banning happiness? Really? But then I got a citation for chuckling at a cat video, and I realized they were serious.”

Despite the outrage, the HOA stands firm in their decision. “We believe that by eliminating happiness, we will create a more orderly and serene community,” Tightlips explained, “After all, happiness is the root of all chaos. Have you ever seen a happy person try to organize a drawer? It’s impossible.”

In a surprising twist, the HOA has declared that fun will still be permitted on alternate Thursdays, but only between the hours of 3:00 PM and 4:30 PM, and only if it is pre-approved by the association.

When asked what constitutes as “approved fun,” Tightlips responded, “Well, we have a comprehensive list of HOA-approved activities, including but not limited to: silent reading, knitting, and watching paint dry. We believe these activities provide just the right amount of enjoyment without tipping the scale into anarchy.”

As the community grapples with these new restrictions, one thing is for certain: Pleasantville Estates is quickly becoming the go-to neighborhood for those looking to live a life free from the burdens of joy.