Nov 10, 2023

Local Boy's Thanksgiving Dream Turns Into Off-the-Grid Nightmare

12-year-old Tommy Henderson, who had been eagerly counting down the days to Thanksgiving break, was horrified to learn that his holiday would be spent at his Uncle Rick's remote cabin in the woods – a place notoriously known for its complete lack of Wi-Fi and, according to Tommy, "anything fun."

Tommy, who had envisioned a week filled with video games, binge-watching his favorite shows, and uninterrupted TikTok scrolling, now faces the grim reality of spending his days in what he describes as "a place time forgot, where the only tweets come from actual birds."

"I was so ready for this break," Tommy lamented, his eyes glued to his rapidly depleting phone battery. "Now I have to spend it in the Stone Age. Uncle Rick doesn't even have cable. And I heard he makes you chop wood for fun!"

Uncle Rick, a self-proclaimed "back-to-nature enthusiast," remains blissfully unaware of his nephew's distress. "It'll be great! We'll go hiking, tell stories by the fire, and really connect with Mother Earth," he said, cheerfully unaware that his definition of 'connecting' vastly differs from Tommy's.

Local sources report that Tommy's parents are secretly thrilled about the digital detox, hoping it will teach him some 'real-world skills.' "Maybe he'll learn something more valuable than how to get to the next level on Fortnite," his mother said, hiding a smile.

As the dreaded departure day looms, Tommy has been seen desperately downloading movies, e-books, and survival guides on how to live without Wi-Fi. Meanwhile, his classmates are preparing for a week of leisure, unaware of the primitive horrors that await their friend in the wilderness.

This Thanksgiving, while others feast on turkey and pumpkin pie, Tommy will be grappling with the harsh realities of a pre-internet era, armed only with his wits and a flashlight. One can only hope he survives this harrowing ordeal and returns with tales of how he overcame the greatest challenge of his young life: surviving a week without Wi-Fi.