President Joe Biden's approval ratings have reportedly sunk to depths previously only explored by James Cameron. Sources close to the White House suggest the President is considering donning scuba gear for his next public appearance in a symbolic gesture to meet his poll numbers where they are: somewhere near the ocean floor.
The Subaquatic Approval Ratings
The latest polls show Biden's approval rating plunging faster than a lead weight in the Mariana Trench, causing concerns among Democrats that they might need to grow gills to survive the next election. One anonymous staffer was quoted saying, "We're looking into waterproofing the Oval Office. Just in case."
The Opposition Surfaces
Republicans have seized this opportunity to critique Biden's leadership, with one senator quipping, "I always knew Biden's policies were all wet, but this is ridiculous." The GOP is reportedly considering a submarine-themed campaign to capitalize on the President's submerging approval.
Public Response: Mixed, with Bubbles
The American public has reacted with a mix of astonishment and humor. Social media has been flooded with memes depicting Biden as the captain of a sinking ship, complete with a band playing as the polls go under. #BidenGoesSubmarine and #DeepSeaPresident are trending, with some users offering to lend the President their floaties.
Administration's Aquatic Strategy
In response to the sinking situation, the Biden administration is rumored to be brainstorming campaign strategies that include underwater town halls and policy announcements from a submarine. The President himself was reportedly overheard asking if the White House could be relocated to an underwater dome, "just to be closer to the people – you know, the ones who still approve."
Environmentalists Dive In
Environmental groups have applauded Biden's underwater poll numbers, stating, "At least he's finally addressing sea-level rise, albeit not in the way we expected."
The Future Below Sea Level
As Biden's poll numbers continue their descent into the oceanic abyss, the nation watches with bated breath (and snorkels at the ready) to see if the President can swim back to the surface in time for the next election cycle.
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