BOSTON, MA - John F. Kennedy Jr., who was widely believed to have died in a tragic plane crash in 1999, has been found alive and well, residing incognito in a small studio apartment in Boston. Kennedy explained his disappearance by saying, "I just needed a break from all the social media noise. Ever tried deleting Facebook? It's a nightmare."
Local resident, Belinda Tumbleweed, initially discovered JFK Jr.'s secret when she ran into him at a downtown Starbucks. "He was just there, sipping on a chai latte and reading a newspaper," she said. "I thought to myself, 'Who still reads newspapers?' and then I realized – it was John!"
Upon further questioning, Kennedy revealed that he’d been hiding out, not due to any elaborate conspiracy or government plot, but simply to escape the chaos of 24-hour news cycles and the never-ending stream of Instagram updates.
"It started innocently enough. I was trying to disconnect from MySpace, and one thing led to another," said JFK Jr., adjusting the beanie hat he’s been using as a disguise. "Next thing I knew, I was living off-grid, raising alpacas and getting into artisanal candle making."
The world has had its fair share of "dead celebrity sightings" over the years – from Elvis Presley to Tupac Shakur. But this revelation has left conspiracy theorists flabbergasted. One avid theorist, Gary Blipnot, stated, "I had him pegged for being in Area 51 or part of the Illuminati's secret underground lair. But hiding in plain sight in Boston? That