Nov 10, 2023

Heroic CEO Nobly Accepts Slight Decrease in Obscene Salary to Save Company Penny

CEO Bob Cashmore of MegaCorp Inc. has bravely decided to slash his own salary from 'ungodly' to merely 'obscene,' a move that financial analysts are calling "the bare minimum" and "almost not completely selfish."

Cashmore, known for his modest 200-foot yacht and only three private jets, announced the salary cut during a press conference held at one of his modest 15 mansions. "It's time I gave back to the little people," said Cashmore, wiping a tear with a hundred-dollar bill. "And by 'gave back,' I mean taking a minuscule reduction in my paycheck that won't affect my lifestyle in the slightest but will make for excellent PR."

The CEO's generous move to reduce his salary from $20 million to $19.5 million has been hailed as a "revolutionary act of faux altruism" by company insiders. "We were thinking of cutting back on employee benefits or maybe downsizing the staff, but Mr. Cashmore insisted on making this grand gesture instead," said one anonymous MegaCorp executive while polishing the gold nameplate on his desk.

Meanwhile, employees at MegaCorp have reacted with overwhelming indifference. "Oh wow, now he'll have to wait an extra day to buy his fourth yacht. How will he survive?" commented Janet from accounting, while trying to fix the office's only printer for the fifth time that week.

In response to critics who say the pay cut is just a drop in the ocean, Cashmore has promised to make further sacrifices. "Next month, I might even fly commercial. First class, of course. I'm not a savage," he declared, before stepping into his gold-plated helicopter.

The move has inspired other top executives, with rumors circulating that a CEO from a rival company is considering buying one less Lamborghini this year. "It's a tough world out there," said the rival CEO, "but sometimes, you have to make these heart-wrenching sacrifices for the greater good, or at least for good headlines."