In a move that left citizens both baffled and ruffled, it was confirmed that the government has officially resorted to using crows to keep tabs on unsuspecting residents. The first reported case? A local man caught mid-shampoo, belting out tunes.
Gary Soapsud, a previously unknown local hero, found himself at the center of this feathery fiasco. "I always felt like somebody's watching me, but I never thought it would be Edgar, Allan, and Poe!" he exclaimed, pointing to the trio of espionage experts now infamous in the surveillance community.
Experts are scratching their heads. Dr. Birdseye View, an avian-govt relations specialist, noted, "Using pigeons for messages? Old news. But crows for covert operations? That's cutting-edge stuff!"
Residents are in a flutter. Jane Doe, a concerned neighbor, lamented, "I knew the government was watching, but using nature against us? What's next, squirrels with body cams?"
But why Gary? Insiders suggest his exceptional ability to hum national secrets in the shower. Others believe the crows just appreciate his selection of 80's hits.
Government officials, when questioned about their choice of surveillance technique, responded with a shrug, "Why not? They work for peanuts… well, actually, shiny objects, but you get the drift."
Local entrepreneurs, sensing an opportunity, have started selling "Crow-Block" curtains and "Avian-Proof" shampoo. Gary, ever the trendsetter, has introduced his own line of "Secure Shower Caps", claiming to block out both water and wandering eyes.
Meanwhile, in a not-so-distant park, pigeons are protesting, claiming they've been the traditional choice for reconnaissance and demanding their due.
In closing, remember to watch your back, and your windows. Because in today's world, Big Brother doesn't just watch; he caws.