Nov 12, 2023

Government Agency Fires Employee for Innovating; Declares 'No Progress' Policy

A government agency has reportedly fired an employee for the audacious act of innovation. The agency, known for its long-standing commitment to bureaucracy and inefficiency, has sent a clear message to its workforce: progress is not welcome here.

The now-former employee, John Innovatorson, had the temerity to suggest a more efficient way of processing paperwork. According to inside sources, he proposed a revolutionary idea called "digitalization" - a concept that involves using computers to streamline tasks and reduce the need for mountains of paperwork. Shockingly, this notion was met with disdain by his superiors.

In a press release that read like something out of a dystopian novel, the agency declared, "We have a proud tradition of doing things the way they've always been done, and we will not tolerate any attempts to make our processes more efficient or user-friendly. Our motto has always been 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it.' And by 'broke,' we mean barely functional and in need of a complete overhaul."

It appears that John Innovatorson's innovative spirit was simply too much for the agency to handle. His proposal to digitize records and implement online forms was met with responses like, "But how will we create more jobs if we make things easier for ourselves?" and "We can't have people thinking we actually know what we're doing."

In an exclusive interview with Mr. Innovatorson, he expressed his frustration, saying, "I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to improve efficiency and save taxpayer dollars. Little did I know that I was actually threatening the very fabric of this agency's dysfunction. I guess progress isn't a word they like to hear around here."

The firing of John Innovatorson has sent shockwaves through the agency's workforce, with many employees now afraid to even suggest minor changes, such as using a stapler that doesn't jam every other page. Morale is reportedly at an all-time low, as employees fear that any attempt to innovate will result in their own termination.

In the midst of this controversy, one thing is clear: this government agency is committed to maintaining its status as a bastion of inefficiency and bureaucracy. While the rest of the world moves forward, embracing technological advancements and streamlining processes, this agency proudly proclaims, "No progress allowed."

As the nation watches in disbelief, one can only hope that this agency's backward policies will eventually be replaced with a more forward-thinking approach. Until then, it seems that innovation and progress will remain dirty words within its hallowed halls.