Oct 24, 2023

Desperate Man Camps at Car Dealership for Discount, Becomes Part-Time Employee

In a stunning display of American resilience and misplaced priorities, local thrifty man Derek Bargainhunter, 34, has reportedly transitioned from desperate camper to semi-committed part-time employee at Go-Go Gary's Gargantuan Auto Emporium.

Sources confirm Bargainhunter initially set up camp outside the dealership over 15 days ago, armed with nothing but a sleeping bag, an unshakeable faith in the power of doorbuster deals, and a portable charger. His singular mission: to secure the rumored, elusive "Once-in-a-Decade, Basically-a-Steal" discount. However, after inadvertently helping to unclog a toilet and answering a couple of phone calls during his extended stay, he was promptly added to the payroll.

"It's the embodiment of the American Dream, honestly," commented Go-Go Gary himself, owner of the famed emporium. "One day you're sleeping on the concrete, clinging to the hope of a discount so good it could make an accountant cry, and the next, you're wearing a name tag, working weekends, and trying to decipher our incomprehensible health insurance plans."

Co-workers have reported mixed feelings about Derek's unconventional onboarding process. Cindy Carseller, a seasoned saleswoman, shared, "He just kept showing up, and not even for his shifts—just to use the employee microwave and ask about the discount. We thought he was part of a new, aggressive marketing strategy."

Bargainhunter, who still staunchly occupies his camping post in the parking lot, now donning a partially stained staff shirt, remains steadfast in his original goal. "This is a long-con, see? They think I'm working for them, but really, any day now, that sweet, sweet 90% off discount will be mine," declared Derek, during his lunch break, completely oblivious to the fact that employee discounts do not stack with promotional offers.

Following the unexpected buzz, Go-Go Gary's has now officially launched a "Work for Wheels" program, inviting deal-obsessed customers to casually join their workforce in exchange for marginal discounts and the occasional free air freshener.

In related news, Bargainhunter was last seen setting up a small 'For Sale' sign on his tent, evidently initiating a side hustle during his quest for the ultimate bargain.