Local conspiracy theorist Bob McAllister made the startling discovery that all of his conspiracy theories are actually part of a complex government scheme to make him look foolish. McAllister, who has spent the last two decades of his life uncovering the "truth" about everything from the moon landing to chemtrails, was reportedly "shocked" and "betrayed" upon realizing that he was the victim of the biggest conspiracy of all.
"It all makes sense now," McAllister said, his tin foil hat trembling atop his head. "The government has been planting these absurd theories in my head for years, just waiting for the perfect moment to reveal that I've been the butt of their joke all along. Well, joke's on them, because I'm onto their game now!"
According to McAllister, his revelation came after he stumbled upon a secret government document while conducting his usual late-night internet research. The document, which was conveniently left unsecured on a government server, outlined in great detail the government's plan to discredit McAllister and other conspiracy theorists like him.
"The document had everything: plans to infiltrate online forums, strategies for planting false information, even a budget for buying up all the tin foil in the country to make our hats less effective," McAllister explained, his eyes widening with each revelation. "They've thought of everything!"
Government officials have neither confirmed nor denied the existence of the document, leading McAllister and his fellow conspiracy theorists to declare victory.
"We knew we were onto something big, and this just proves it," said Karen Jones, a fellow conspiracy theorist and McAllister's longtime collaborator. "The government can try to make us look stupid all they want, but we're the ones laughing now."
Despite the apparent success of their discovery, McAllister and Jones have vowed to continue their search for the truth, no matter how absurd it may seem to the outside world.
"After all," McAllister said with a wink, "just because we're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get us."
