Oct 11, 2023

Breaking News: Donald Trump's Fast Food Diet Revealed as Secret Plan to Boost American Economy

WASHINGTON D.C. – Sources close to former President Donald Trump have leaked what they claim is the real reason behind his widely publicized penchant for fast food: a top-secret initiative to singlehandedly boost the American economy.

According to our highly dubious and likely fabricated sources, the 45th president’s affinity for burgers, fries, and diet sodas was not merely about taste. It was a covert operation, coined "Operation Golden Arches," intended to stimulate economic growth by personally increasing sales at American fast-food chains.

An unnamed (and probably non-existent) White House insider shared, "The president saw it as his duty. Every Big Mac was a brick in the wall of economic progress. Each Filet-O-Fish represented a fisherman's job saved."

This shocking "revelation" suggests that midnight runs to fast-food drive-thrus were less about satisfying late-night cravings and more about bolstering the American GDP. The insider continued, “If he seemed a bit heavier during his term, it's because he was literally carrying the weight of the American economy."

Fast food industry leaders are allegedly "flattered" by the discovery. Ronald McDonald was spotted leaving the White House, giving reporters a wink and a thumbs up, while Colonel Sanders is rumored to have sent the former President a bucket of gratitude, filled with, you guessed it, fried chicken.

Trump's economic strategy also seems to have influenced other areas of his presidency. Reports suggest that his frequent golf trips were not merely for leisure but were strategic moves to boost the golfing industry. Each swing was, apparently, a stroke for the American workforce.

While economists are still debating (and laughing over) the true impact of "Operation Golden Arches," one thing is certain: it has given a whole new meaning to the term "fast food diplomacy."