Big Oil Accidentally Discovers New Ocean While Drilling, Promises Not to Spill This Time

Big Oil has made a groundbreaking discovery—an entirely new ocean located several miles beneath the Earth's crust. The discovery was made during a routine drilling operation, in which the company was searching for yet another reservoir of oil to exploit. But instead of striking black gold, they struck blue.

"We were just as surprised as anyone," said a spokesperson for Big Oil, sporting a suit made entirely of hundred-dollar bills. "We were drilling away, minding our own business when suddenly water started gushing out of the hole. At first, we were disappointed, but then we realized that we had just discovered an untapped market."

The new ocean, which has been affectionately named "The Big Wet," is said to be teeming with aquatic life, pristine coral reefs, and untouched ecosystems. But not for long, if Big Oil has anything to say about it.

"We've already got plans to start drilling in The Big Wet," said the spokesperson, wiping away a tear of joy with a crisp hundred-dollar bill. "And this time, we promise not to spill any oil. Cross our hearts and hope to die."

Environmentalists, however, are not convinced.

"This is outrageous," said one activist, wearing a shirt made of recycled plastic bottles. "Big Oil has already destroyed enough of our planet, and now they want to destroy a whole new ocean? We can't let this happen."

But Big Oil is undeterred.

"We understand that people are concerned about the environment," said the spokesperson, lighting a cigar with a burning hundred-dollar bill. "But we assure you, we have everything under control. We've invested millions of dollars in state-of-the-art spill prevention technology, and we're confident that we can drill in The Big Wet without causing any harm to the environment. Trust us, we're experts."

Only time will tell if Big Oil will make good on its promise, but one thing is certain—they've certainly made a splash with this latest discovery.